cHePaY

            Maraming bagay ang tumatakbo sa isip ko ngayon. Maraming bakit, maraming paano. Siguro dahil maraming bagay din ang hindi ko maintindihan. Tulad na lamang ng pag-iyak. Bakit nga ba umiiyak ang mga tao? Dahil ba sa sakit? Sa pagsisisi? Sa galit? Sa pangungulila? Sa pagkawala ng isang minamahal? Sa lungkot? Sa sobrang tuwa? Bakit nga Ba?

            Sa tingin ko, ang lahat ng mga nabanggit ko, lahat iyon ay maaaring maging dahilan ng pag-luha. Naaalala ko tuloy noong ako ay musmos pa. Madalas kasi akong umiiyak pagkagising ko. Bakit? Sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin alam. Hindi ko na marahil maalala kung bakit. Nakakatuwa ano? Pero may mas nakakatawa pa riyan. Na-realize ko kasi, hanggang ngayon pala ganoon pa rin ako. I still wake up crying. In a deeper sense nga lang. Pero parang ganon din e. Paano ko nasabi? Ganito, nag-isip ako ng tatlong dahilan kung bakit umiiyak ang isang bata sa kanyang pag-gising.

            Unang dahilan: maaaring nanaginip siya ng masama. Pangalawa: maaaring nagugutom siya. At pangatlo: maaari rin namang dahil noong siya ay matulog ay may katabi pa siya pero sa kanyang pag-gising ay wala na.

            Gaya ng isang bata, umiiyak din ako pagkagising mula sa isang masamang panaginip. Panaginip na akala ko’y hindi nangyari. O mas tamang sabihin na sinasabi ko lang sa aking sarili na panaginip lamang ang lahat. I’m just making myself believe that it was just but a bad dream, kahit na ang realidad na ang nagsusumigaw at nagsasabing ito ay hindi panaginip kundi isang katotohanan. Isang katotohanan na pilit kong tinatalikdan. Pero just the same…umiiyak pa rin ako.

            Isa pang dahilang ibinigay ko kanina kung bakit umiiyak ang isang bata sa kanyang pag-gising ay dahil gutom siya. Naisip ko, ganon  din pala ako. Hindi man ako tulad ng isang bata na gutom sa anumang makakain, minsan ay maituturing din akong gutom. Gutom sa atensyon, gutom sa pang-unawa at gutom sa pagmamahal. Hindi ko naman sinasabing walang nagmamahal at umuunawa sa akin. Alam kong meron, marami sila. Pero parang may kulang pa rin. Kung ano o sino iyon, hindi ko alam. Dahil doon, umiiyak pa rin ako.

            May mga panahon din na ako ay tulad ng isang batang umiiyak dahil wala nang katabi sa kanyang paggising. Dumarating din ako sa puntong marami akong hinahanap na mga tao pero sa kasamaang palad ay hindi ko sila makita. Mayroon akong mga gustong makasama pero wala sila. These are the times when I feel so alone and depress. Iyon bang kulang na lang ay mag-arkila ako ng taong pwede kong makausap, pwede kong masabihan ng mga problema, o kahit makasama ko man lang. Sa madaling salita, naghahanap ako ng kakampi. Isang taong kaya akong damayan at ipagtanggol. Iyon nga lang, sa kamalas-malasan, kung minsan ay wala akong mahanap. Dahil doon, umiiyak nanaman ako.

            Kung iisiping mabuti at kung aaminin ninyo rin sa inyong mga sarili, hindi lang ako ang nakakaranas ng ganito. Kundi, lahat tayo. Lahat ng taong dumaan sa pagkabata. I mean, all of us are still like a child who wakes up crying simply because there are still childish sides within us. Mga bata pa rin tayong maituturing kung pag-iyak ang pag-uusapan. May iba’t-ibang dahilan man, still…umiiyak pa rin tayo.

now the parking lot is empty
everyone's gone someplace
i pick you up and in the trunk i've packed
a cooler and a 2-day suitcase
cause there's a place we like to drive
way out in the country
five miles out of the city limit we're singing
and your hand's upon my knee

so we're okay
we're fine
baby i'm here to stop your crying
chase all the ghosts from your head
i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
smarter than the tricks played on your heart
we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
adding up the total of a love that's true
multiply life by the power of two

you know the things that i am afraid of
i'm not afraid to tell
and if we ever leave a legacy
it's that we loved each other well
cause i've seen the shadows of so many people
trying on the treasures of youth
but a road that fancy and fast
ends in a fatal crash
and i'm glad we got off
to tell you the truth

cause we're okay
we're fine
baby i'm here to stop your crying
chase all the ghosts from your head
i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
smarter than the tricks played on your heart
we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
adding up the total of a love that's true
multiply life by the power of two

all the shiny little trinkets of temptation
(make new friends)
something new instead of something old
(but keep the old)
all you gotta do is scratch beneath the surface
(but remember what is gold)
and it's fools gold (what is gold)
fools gold (what is gold)
fools gold 

and now we're talkin bout the difficult thing and your eyes are getting wet
but it took us for better and it took us for worse don't you ever forget. The steel bars between me and a promise suddenly bend with ease the closer im bound in love to you the closer iam to free.

so we're okay
we're fine
baby i'm here to stop your crying
chase all the ghosts from your head
i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
smarter than the tricks played on your heart
we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
adding up the total of a love that's true
multiply life by the power of two

instead of complaining bout what we are experiencing in our everyday life,,why not enjoy every moment of it?look at life at its brighter side..there’s always a reason for everything anyway..Ü

Pauwi na q ng boarding hauz..nakakatamad..prang ayaw q p umuwi..pano b nmn ala aq tao da2tnan dun..nakakasawa n rin mg1..bakit kya gnon??bc n nga aq buo araw s skul..actually, im really trying my best to keep myself busy..xmpre..nakakainis nmn ung ala gingwa dba?pro pg dting q s bhauz..ala rin..aq lng rin mg1…gus2 q mgpunta sumwhere…mgunwind..but i can’t find a place where i cud go..hay buhay..nauubusan n q ng ggwin..i tot kpg sobra dmi ng gngwa q..ok n un..ndi pla..i can still feel that i’m alone..i still feel empty…i wish i cud be able to determine what is it that’s missing in my lyf now…sna rin kya q mpunan un kung anumang kulang n un…s totoo lng kc..d q maicp kun nu ung kulang n un e…if i’ll cum to think of it..msya nmn aq…ok nmn studies q..i have sum extra curriculars that makes my daily skeds full..nnjan din nmn mga friends q..dmi nga tao s mundo q ngun e..i min..wat’s missing??lavlyf??nah..i don’t think so…dats too far to wat i think it is..waahh!!kun nu mn un…i wish i cud find out soon…nakakapraning e…..

in lyf..der r a lot of stupid n fu*kin pipol dat wud try to pull u down..ggwin nla lht pra sktan k..dey wud mke ur lyf miserable..nsa cio n un if u’l let them ruin u…pro if u’ll stay strong..if u’ll tell urself dat no1 can evr bring u down..and if u’ll continue fytin..mka2bangon k..d k malu2gmok..gn2 lng nmn ang buhay e..klangan ma22 k bumangon..klngan ipruv mo s lht n khit nu p dumating n trial cio..khit gno kdmi ngwa mo mali..at khit nu p mngyari..mka2ya mo..aftr nun,,u’ll be proud 2 urself..mka2ya mo ng humrap s mga taong na2kit cio and tell ryt 2 their face.."e2 n q ngun!msaya n buhay q..at mganda q!at ikaw..kumusta k nmn?!" o dba?sosyal!..hehe…

a whole new year..a whole new hope…

a lot of things had happened dis year…much and much of trials..hurts..frustrations..disappointments..struggles..pains..heartaches..and all those! wala lng..i’m jz glad that im stil here..i’m still alive and kicking..surviving all those life’s struggles..nakakatuwa..tlagang gOd nver closes a door without opening a window..he olweiz give me sumthing better when he takes sumthing away..he’s olweiz there reminding and guiding me..tipong.."opps!anak..enuf of that..it will do u no good.." sobrang nakaka-overwhelm! even thou i’ve done a lot of mistakes..he’s olweiz there to pick me up..kung meron man aq natutunan..un ung all things happen for a rison…all we nid to do is to accept those things and reflect from them….

sna..this year wud be a nice one…Ü

            Bakit nga ba ang hirap makahanap ng isang taong mag-mamahal sa iyo ng totoo? Iyon bang hindi ka iiwan kahit anong mangyari. Iyong palaging nandiyan para mahalin, intindihin at pahalagahan ka. At iyong tipong iwan ka man ng buong mundo, nandiyan pa rin siya para ipagtanggol ka. Ipaglalaban ka at sasabihin sa iyong.. “Okay lang yan! Nandito pa naman ako e!”

            Hay, napakasarap isiping may taong ganon ano? Ang sarap managinip na baling araw, makakatagpo ka rin ng ganon. Kaya lang, mahirap din kung minsan. Mahirap ding habambuhay na mangarap at managinip. Mahirap umasang may isang taong magmamahal sa iyo at hindi ka iiwan kailanman.

            Ako? Naranasan ko nang lahat ng iyan. Maraming beses pa! Iyon bang akala ko totoo siya. Akala ko hindi niya ako iiwan. Iyon pala, dumaan lang siya para paibigin at paasahin ako. Ang saklap di ba?!

            Maraming beses na rin akong nakarinig ng mga pangako. Mga pangakong ginawa lamang pala para mapako. Mga pangakong inasahan kong magkakatotoo. Pero gaya ng dati, at ng paulit-ulit na nangyayari…hangang asa na lamang pala ako.

            Sa lahat ng ito, isa lang ang hindi ko maintindihan. Iyon iyong kahit paulit-ulit akong umasa’t masaktan, paulit-ulit din naman akong nagmamahal. Sinasabi sa sariling.. “Isang pagkakataon pa. Malay mo siya na….” Pero sa kasamaang palad, hindi naman pala.

another day had passed…hay…isang araw n puno ng mga exams at mga gawain s Voice…nkakatuwa..im now a ‘news delegate’!!yipee!!…mejo excited aq ngun s bgo q task..startin 2m..i’ll be the one to get the schedule of events sa Office of Students Affairs…aq n rin ung mg-aasign ng mga writers and photog n mgcocover s lht ng events n un…sya dba?!..hehe!!..i’m rily excited..kya lng its kinda sad din..d n kc ma22loy christmas party nmin s voice..first christmas p nmn nmin un s org…sayang…pro ok n rin..at least mejo nbawasan mga ‘things to do’ q..d q n klangan mgwory bout s program,etc…exited n rin aq mg-fri…waahhhh!!i’ve bin missing having a whole nyt slip..mtagal tagal n rin aq wlang tamang 2log…ah!after this "things to do’s" sobrang ittreat q tlga srili q…Ü

i’m rily hapi w/ what’s happening with my lyf now..(obvious nmn dba?!)..i’m having a chance to improve myself and to do whatever i wanna do…ang sarap ng buhay single!!Ü

Hay…sobrang dming ngyari dis past few days…i feel so tired and worn out..un bang tipong gus2 q muna mglaho pansumandali at mgpahinga..gosh!sobrang nlo2ka q s mga ngya2ri s buhay q ngun…prang di n q mkahinga s dmi ng iniicp at klangan q gwin…ndi aq ngre2klamo…i know wla q krptn mpagod at mgreklamo s mga pnahong ito…choice q 2 e..i’ve chosen to be in the situation wer i am ryt now..ang TIP Voice..ang aking pg-aaral..pamilya..friends..those wer the things that make me bc ryt now…teka,,d pla mxado s mga frnds…d n nga pla q nkksma s mga hangouts..nu b yn?!bkt prng d q ngu2s2han mga ngya2ri sken ngun??ac2lly,,ok nmn sna e..kya lng i wish i hav enuf tym for everything..sna kyanin q p ibalance ang aking oras pra s lhat ng bagay……

I just wanna share it to you guyz………

=====================================

Every person will need to find four people in their
lives. The First person is you. The Second person
is the one you love most. The Third person is the
one who loves you most. And the Fourth is the
one you spend the rest of your life with. In life,
firstly you will meet with the one you love most,
and learn how love feels. Because you know how
love feels, so you can find the person who loves
you most. When you have experienced the feeling
of loving others and being loved, you will then know
what it is you need most. Then you will find the
person who is most suitable for you, to be able to
spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually
not the same person. The one you love most
doesn’t love you. The one, who loves you most, is
never the one you love most. And the one you
spend your life with, is never the one you love
most or the one who loves you most. He is just the
person who happens to be at the right place at the
right time. Which person are you in other people’s
life?

No person will purposely have a change of heart.
At the point in time when he loves you, he really
loves you. But when he doesn’t love you anymore,
he really doesn’t love you anymore. When he
loves you, he can’t pretend that he doesn’t. Same
goes,
when he loves you no more, there’s no way he
can pretend he loves you.

When a person doesn’t love you and wants to
leave you, You must ask yourself if you still love
him. If you also don’t love him anymore, do not
keep him just to save your pride. If you still love
him, you should wish him happiness, and hope
that he will be with the one he loves most, not stop
him from it. If you stop him from finding true
happiness with the one he loves, it shows you
already don’t love him. And if you don’t love him,
what rights do you have to blame him for a change
of heart?

Love is not possessive. If you like the moon, you
can’t just take it down and put it in your basin. But
the moonlight still shines upon you. In other words,
when you love a person, you can use another
method of possessing the person. Let him become
a permanent memory in your life. If you really love
a person, you must love him for what he is. Love
him for his good points, and the bad. You can’t
wish for him to become like what you like him to
be just because you love him. If he can’t change to
become what you like him to e, you don’t love him
anymore. When you really love a person, you
cannot find a reason why you love him, you only
know that no matter when and where, good mood
or bad mood, you will wish to have this person be
with you.

Real love is when two people can go through the
toughest problems without asking for promises or
listing criteria. In a relationship, you have to put in
effort and give in at times, and not always be on
the receiving end. Being away from each other is
a type of test. If the relationship isn’t strong, then
you can only admit defeat. Real love will never
become hate.