An Autobiography of a Dying Soldier
An Autobiography of a Dying Soldier
By: Cherry V. Tubes
I wonder how I would start my life story. For so many years in my life, I only lived for two reasons – to fight and to surrender. You’re not reading it wrong. I do surrender especially in times when I know that there’s no more hope in winning my battle.
It always makes me laugh in humiliation everytime I hear people people say that soldiers like me are brave and fearless. I feel ashamed for myself because I know it isn’t true. There have been a number of times when I proved them. And there have been a greater number of times when I fell down and cry.
There was this time when I turned my back on one of my fellows when he is asking for help. We were in a combat that time and he was shot by one of our enemies. He asked for help, but I refused. Instead, I run and hide so that I wouldn’t be struck by a bullet.
I was able to escape from the bullets, but not from guilt. Seeing him died in the field was like seeing myself killed as well. The feeling was really baleful.
After that disgraceful incident, I tried my best to live as if nothing had happened. I remained being a “gallant” soldier. However, it was not that easy. No matter how I tried to obliterate that incident on my memory, the more it remains into it.
My fight in the battlefield continued. I won and lost. But every struggle left a scar that reminded me of my failure, cowardice and defeat.
This life had really imparted me a lot. It might not teach me all the techniques of winning every war, but it taught me to live.
This life has been my greatest battle. It doesn’t matter if I am a looser for everyone’s opinion. What matters is that I will be a winner in my master’s eyes.
